Story Magic

130 - How to write a believable romantic couple

• Golden May

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Today, Emily & Rachel talk about writing believable romance.

What you’ll learn from this episode:

  • What makes characters romantically compatible
  • How tropes play into compatibility
  • How conflict feeds a believable romance
  • Pitfalls to avoid while writing couples

Ready to make readers so in love with your characters they can’t stop biting their nails in anticipation?  Grab The Magic of Character Arcs free email course: https://www.goldenmayediting.com/arcsmagic

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Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/bookcoachrachel/

Emily: https://www.instagram.com/ebgoldenbooks/

Rachel:

Foreign.

Emily:

Hey, writers. Welcome back to Story Magic, the podcast that will help you write a book you're damn proud of.

Rachel:

I'm Rachel.

Emily:

And I'm Emily.

Rachel:

And today we are going to talk about believable romantic code couples. So there we get. We've gotten this question a lot, and we've done a full class on this within Tenacious Writing, our lifetime membership program. What we're going to talk about a little bit about today is if you're writing a romance or a romantic subplot, how do you make sure that it's believable that your two romantic partners end up together and that they don't break up immediately after the book is over? And we. Emily and I were joking about this yesterday because I will often read. I read primarily romance, so I'll often read romances. And then, like, as soon as the book's over, I'm like, yeah, that couple. That's. Their couple's not gonna last. They're gonna break up. This divorce isn't coming. Like, we're. Whatever's going on here, it's not gonna stand the test of time.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

So we had previously done this whole extensive class for TW about emotional attraction, and we thought, let's talk about this on the podcast. Also. Let's. Let's give a little. A little spotlight lens onto believability and romance.

Emily:

Yeah. I feel like it took me a really long time to figure this out, and, like, once you set. Say it, it's, like, obvious. But I do feel like there's, like, so often, and I say this from experience, but it's like, writers will go and they'll write and they'll throw two characters together and, like, they are soulmates, right? Then you, like, write this whole book, and you're like. And there's nothing worse than, like, reading a book like that, like, a published one. And you're like, I don't. These people. Why would they even care about each other? Like, they don't have anything in common. Like, why. Why does he like her? Why does she like him? There's nothing worse than that. We don't want that to be your situation. And so I think, you know, just knowing that, that's. That's. If you get that feedback right, it could be, like, heartbreaking. I had a client once who got feedback from her beta readers, and they were like, it's. We don't. Why do they love each other? And she was like, she just, like, complete, total spiral like each other. And, like, knowing that is not really that helpful. You have to know, like, how to fix it. So that's what we're going to talk about today. It's like, how do you build characters who are made, like, built around each other, built to love each other, built to be like. I don't want to say the other one's. Ha. Like, you know, two halves of a whole. Right. Because, like, we don't want to make them reliant on each other to the point of like, toxic. Like, what's the word I'm looking for?

Rachel:

Codependency.

Emily:

Yes. That's not what we're going for. What we're going for is, like, two people who are designed to not only understand and like, see one another truly, but also help each other grow. So, like, that is what makes romance believable, is when you're like, okay, you guys, you have a lot in common. There's reasons that you love each other. Those reasons are rooted in who you are and the way that you exist together on the page gives me, the reader, the belief that you can tackle whatever comes your way in the future. And like to. And we're not going to run into that issue that Rachel said where you end the book and you're like, that won't last. Right.

Rachel:

That's not. They're going to break up.

Emily:

We want to believe. We want to believe that they can hold each other through whatever. Whatever comes next after the end of the book.

Rachel:

Yes. So let's talk about a couple high level things. And then again, note that if you want to go really in depth into this, we have a full masterclass in our tenacious writing program. So you should become a member and you should go work watch that class. But let's talk about the idea of compatibility at first and in our, in our definition as, as we define it today, we're thinking of compatibility in terms of like, what is drawing these two people together. And that would be like, internally, not necessarily like a forced proximity trope where they are forced, they're compatible because they cannot escape one

Emily:

that doesn't work.

Rachel:

Not exactly it. So let's talk about compatibility being like, what draws these two people together. And there are a couple different ways you can influence compatibility on the page, where you can put this and show the reader that two characters are compatible. That's what we're aiming for with believability. If they're not compatible, I'm never going to believe that long term they'll stick up, they'll put up with each other, or like, when the going gets tough, that they'll Be able to work through it.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

Compatibility is like a deep. A connection, emotional connection, spiritual connection, you know, that kind of inner. Inner compatibility.

Emily:

So this is the piece that I. It always takes me multiple drafts to do this first because I always focus on, like, the plot tension and what's pulling them apart and, like, what are the circumstances and all of that. And I forget, like, put on the page why they actually like each other. And so I layer it in draft by draft. But it is very important because this is where the believability comes from. This is where your reader's gonna be like, yeah, they're meant for each other. Right. It's. It's this part of the equation. So. So some ways that you can show compatibility is by having a character who. Their personality and. Or perspective on the world offers something to the other character that that character lacked in childhood or life. Right. If your has never felt safe. Right. And this love interest makes them feel safe or protects them in a way that no one has ever protected them before. Right. That's something that they lacked, that that other person is offering them, or if they're kind to them in a way that nobody else has been or accepts something about them that nobody else has ever accepted. Right. That's. They're offering something that the other person has lacked. You can also have similar values and goals. This is a very common one. Right. You want to make it. In this circumstance, you want to make it clear that the. The character. The characters understand why one another are doing what they're doing. Like, they're driven by the same core values, even if they have wildly different ideas about how to go about it. And, like, their flaws are leading them in wrong directions. You still. That core value of, like, oh, I understand. Like, I understand his goals, or she understands my goals when nobody else does. That can be a really powerful compatibility sort of hook. You want to do a couple?

Rachel:

Yeah. So then we take those two. Let's maybe talk about a different angle where these two people are able to see the heart of who the person really is, who the other person really is, even if that person is trying to hide those truths. So here we have that feeling of being seen, that feeling of being known when no one else can really see or know somebody in that way. Um, and so something you might, like, have two characters that feel like, oh, he notices parts of me I try to hide from everyone else. Or. Or he can see through my prickly exterior and find the ooey gooey heart at the center. You know, like, he doesn't buy my sarcasm as my defense mechanism. He can see my wounds within. You know, that. That type of understanding that we can build between two people. Um, and speaking of wounds, another version of compatibility. Compatibility is that they can share similar wounds, and through sharing those wounds, they can understand each other's pain through those uniquely personal experiences. Um, so they don't have to be wounded in the exact same way, but perhaps they can both understand what grief feels like, or they can both understand what trauma is and what it was like to live through a trauma. So in that. In that level of compatibility, we're again coming back to the ability to understand one another, the ability to have a shared experience, empathize with that experience, and understand each other through that, love each other through that, build acceptance and trust and vulnerability through that. And then the last way, I think when we were talking about this, when we were making the class, we talked a little bit about physical compatibility earlier in the podcast. I think compatibility as an idea, we want them to be deeply, emotionally connected to each other. But I do think physical compatibility is a big aspect of writing romance, where we have to feel their attraction physically. Like, we have to feel the hearts beating and the cheeks flushing and the. You know, what it's like to be aroused or attracted to someone. Whether we're doing, like, clean romance or spicy romance, it doesn't matter. We need to feel that these two people, like, have a spark between them physically as well. But through compatibility, we're bringing that to, like, meaningful qualities. We're not just, like, seeing someone across the bar and being like, I want to jump you like a tree. We are. Maybe it starts that way, but the physical compatibility remains over time because of the meaningful qualities that we can draw from it. Like, his touch makes me feel safe, or I finally feel wanted in my body because of the way he looks at me. You know, that. That kind of. That kind of meaningful draw that we can gather from that physical. It's a physical compatibility. But it's more than that. It's that I. I can. I'm seen, I'm known, I'm understood. Or I love how she looks this way because of this reason. Not just because, oh, she's hot, or, oh, he's hot. Like, it's more than that. So as far as compatibility goes, you don't have to have all of those things. That's a lot.

Emily:

No.

Rachel:

But a couple draw here and there. Build on it. One of the things that I see writers in romance struggle with is not a slow burn build, but a slow build of These things. A slow reveal of these things. To quote Shrek, we're. We're like onions. We have layers. The more that we peel back the layers, the more that we reach these deeper levels of compatibility or the more that these compatibility pieces are revealed to us. So we don't. We don't need to go like 0 to 100 super fast. Or like, from our character's meet Cute. We can gather that they're compatible for these three reasons, but that this is something that the story builds over time and that we get closer and closer the more that this compatibility grows.

Emily:

Yeah, and there's a lot of. There's a lot of tropes you can use to get at some of these things. Like, the reason that forced proximity is so powerful is because you're forcing them into a circumstance where they can't escape each other. And so they're going to have to see their compatibility, right? They're going to have to sort of see parts of each other that they might not have seen otherwise. And there's a lot of clever ways that you can bring this out. Yesterday, when we were talking about this, you mentioned that in an enemies to lovers situation, right? And when you're using that trope, they need to have similar or, like, it's most powerful if they have similar values, even if they're going about them in different ways, because then they have that sort of common foundation that they. At first, they're going to push it off, right? And so as you're. If your characters are at odds, whether it's enemies to lovers or some other setup, right, you can have them pushing things off, like, oh, well, I'm seeing this quality about him, but it must be a lie, or I must be misreading it, or it doesn't excuse this other thing. I think I know about them, right? And. But you're still showing it. You're still showing the pieces of compatibility that are going to draw them together, even if they're pushing them away at first. And so it can be helpful, especially in revisions. I do feel like when you're in your first draft, no matter what your process is, it's just you're getting to know your characters, which means you're getting to know their compatibility. And so it does take time to layer this in, but especially with revisions, when I'm. When I'm writing, because I layer this in later, I like to think about, like, okay, in this scene, you know, in scene two, when they meet, I want to show these qualities, right? I'm going to show These pieces of their compatibility in scene four, I'm going to show, you know, these pieces of their compatibility. I'm going to go deeper and I'm going to have them push it away, right? And I start to kind of map out, like, how am I going to grow their compatibility over time. Have them resistant at first and then lean into it and then accept it and then want it and then be afraid of it. Right. You can kind of track that over your novel if you have a draft already. And so I find it, especially when I'm working with clients and I do this for myself. Like, I always revisit these compatibility questions, right? Are they offering something the other one lacked? Do they have similar values and goals? Are they able to see the other person for who they really are? Do they share similar wounds? Are they physically drawn to each other? I look at that list and I. Every draft, I get more specific, and I'm like, yes, their goals are even more specific now. And so I can, like, draw these things and, like, show it in these ways. Oh, okay. I understand their wounds better now on this draft. So I'm going to go deeper into these, like, you know, confessional moments where they can, like, comfort each other over their emotional wounds. Right. And so you can. You can layer this stuff in and usually it grows, right? Or. Or you have, like, this moment where it, like, clicks and you're like, ah, that's how they're compatible. And you can weave it in, um, and it just deepens the story, and it's nothing to, like, worry about. I've never had someone be like, oh, no, there's no compatibility. Now I have to rip my entire plot apart. Like, that's never the reason that you have to rip. So, like, if you feel uncertain about your character's compatibility or, like, uncertain in an early draft of, like, how you're drawing them together emotionally, you can always layer it in. And it's not going to be as big of a revision as you think it's going to be. And it's actually going to be really fun because you get to, like, weave in all these ways that they love each other and show it even more.

Rachel:

Yeah, I think there are a couple tropes that I think are really interesting to analyze for compatibility. One being enemies to lovers, which you mentioned before, because these. The. The five things we've mentioned as far as compatibility, which is that a partner offers something that the other lacked. They share similar values and goals. They're able to see the heart of who the other person really is. They share similar wounds or they're physically drawn to together. If you take a trope like Enemies to Lovers, to me, that trope is successful because an enemy. An enemy is like someone with an opposing goal, so they have to have. I think in Enemies to Lovers, part of the trope is that we are doing diametrically opposed things. We are on opposite sides. We are not on the same side. We are enemies. So how are we going to show that they're compatible? And I think in that trope, we will very often see that they have extremely similar wounds. So, like, we might be on the opposite side of a goal, but we can find connection when we're able to share our similar wounds and when we're able to highlight that we. We can understand each other's pain. I think that's very common in Enemies to Lovers. And then, like you mentioned, just because we're on opposite sides of a goal doesn't mean we have different values. So could we show that maybe if we're fighting on different sides, we still value life or we still value, you know, personal autonomy. Like, how. How could we show that? Or family.

Emily:

Like, you're. You're fighting for your specific. Like you each have your own family that you're fighting for.

Rachel:

Right.

Emily:

And that is putting you at odds together. But that value of family, right, and how far you're willing to go for them is the same, right? Like, yeah, there's a lot of ways you can do that.

Rachel:

Yeah. So if we're starting with, like, if we're starting from a place where we're extra gonna highlight how these people should not be together, like the conflict side, we're gonna lean into the conflict at the beginning. Then compatibility is something that is revealed over time. So then you have to put your characters in a position where they can actually reveal it. So if we are enemies to lovers, how are you going to get us to the spot where we can finally share our similar wounds? What does that look like?

Emily:

Yeah. And then the other.

Rachel:

The other trope that I wanted to talk about with compatibility, specifically, that we. That we didn't talk about yesterday, was Fated mates. Fated Mates is a trope where you have two or more people, but, like two people who are, through the universe's design, fated to be together. It is a. It's usually a. A soul level thing, a biological level thing. We are meant to be together, and the universe has told us so. We are mates. And that's. That is a trope where. When I think it fails, is where people fail to show the other Layers of compatibility. Like, you can't just tell me that you're fated mates without showing me the rest of your relationship. And faded mates will, because there's a biological component to the idea of a fated mate. I see a lot of authors lean into the physicality of fated mates where, like, you physically cannot resist this other person. Your biology tells you you have to procreate. Like, you cannot not be with this person. I, you know, you still. In order for this to be believable, you still have to show those other. Those other moments. And I think that's where we get into. I will often see paired with that, where you'll have someone who's able to see the heart of who the person really is, or we're able to offer something that the other lacked in childhood. I think that's really common with omegaverse, where you have, like, an Alpha and you have an Omega and they are biologically fated to be together. Well, usually you have an Omega who, like, lacked safety and you have an Alpha who is possessive and controlling. And through. I'm not saying it's always healthy, but through the events of the plot, we're able to see that, like, the Omega offers the Alpha comfort and the Alpha offers the Omega safety and protection.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

And so, like, that happens a lot. But you got to show me that. You got to believe. I got to believe that, like, this Alpha deserves comfort or that because the. The Omega is never the problem, the Omega always deserves safety. But, like, you gotta show me how we're filling in those gaps with each other, how we're, like, actually supporting one another, because I'm not just gonna buy that you need to be together because the universe says it so. And I think I, you know, Bride by Ali Hazelwood is an introduction to. It is not. I don't think it's Omegaverse. It's an introduction into Omegaverse. But I think, like, that that is a book that does the fated mate trope well, because we've. We spend so much of the book not knowing that they're fated mates and building their compatibility. And then by the time that they both kind of like, oh, we are mates, like, whatever. The dudes low, he knows that they're fated mates from the very beginning. Misery doesn't. So then when we're able to build the compatibility, I think it's believable at the end to be like, yes, I can see why you are fated mates, but you also share values. You also can see the heart of who each other are. So I think we've Built that over time. But that's also when, you know, there's faded mates and then there's a trope called Rejected Mates where, like, we have said no to our fated partner. I'm gonna build a relationship with someone else instead. And I think that's really important to, like, build all those compatibility reasons in it, you know, Also.

Emily:

Yeah. Anyway, one of my. I love. I'm a sucker for the able to see the heart of who the other person really is. I think that's really fun. Two tropes that have come to mind for that one are Grumpy Sunshine, because I feel like that is one where they're both generally wounded and one is using grumpiness as a shield, and the other one is using sunshine as a shield. And they're sort of. They're sort of built to look past that. Right. And because you're using sunshine as a shield, you're able to see through the other person's shield. Right. And they're able to connect on that and, you know, potentially share similar wounds. Right. You can kind of follow the compatibility rabbit trail there. Another one is Secret Identity. I'm a huge sucker for this one because it's so fun to watch somebody, especially if they're really good at their secret identity and really good at hiding from everyone else, but they can't hide from their lover. Heartless Hunter comes to mind for this one because in Heartless Hunter, Ruhn is this. She's this witch who's hiding as a socialite, and she's pretending to be this really, really dumb and aloof socialite, and everybody else buys into it, everybody else believes it, and she's secretly trying to free witches from the society and everything. But Gideon can see through her. He's a witch hunter and he's like, he's her is an enemies to lovers story, but he sees through her. Like, he sees her intelligence even when she tries to hide it. And so their compativeness as she's like, trying to keep this Persona is so fun because you get to see him, like, actually seeing who she is, and she wants to be seen for who she is, and so she can't resist it. Like, it's sort of this push and pull. So Secret Identity can be really fun for that compatibility. And I feel like this is true for, like, most romance tropes. If you look at the trope and you really ask yourself, like, what is this trope promising in terms of compatibility? It can give you a lot of identity ideas for, like, how to pull the trope off effectively by not only, like, using the trope to, like, push them apart or whatever, but also using it to pull them together.

Rachel:

Yeah, when we, when we did our tropes class, we talked a lot about how tropes are raw material and then you build them out to, like, work for your story. So if you're looking at, if you're wanting to use a specific trope or you're looking for ideas of, you know, using a trope to influence your plot or whatever it is, the trope is the starting ground. And then you. You extrapolate, you build in from there. So if you have a mentor trope in a, like a mentor mentee, there is so much like romantic tension in the idea of a power imbalance. But how are you going to prove to me that these two people are compatible? Especially if you have an age gap? If this is like a 12 year age gap between a professor and his student, which is a very popular romance niche. Professor, student, age gap, older man. Like, there are a gajillion romance books that start with that. You still have to prove to me that they are compatible and that, like, they are can stand the test of time. Because I think age gap is really difficult to prove because, like, it's. It's hard for me to believe that a 12, 15 year gap is going to make that these two people have shared values, at least in this point of their life, or that they, that they can understand each other, that they can see each other. How. Not that it's impossible. I. I love a good age gap, don't get me wrong. But you've got to make it believable that those two things can be together. So use the trope as your starting ground and then ask that question that Emily just said of like, how can I weave the compatibility in to this trope? And that's how the tropes become effective, I think, versus like, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna slap a label on a book age gap. And then when I read it, I'm let down because, you know, like, I didn't feel like that led anywhere. There just were these characters that had a massive age difference. And like, cool. But this isn't gonna last. Yeah, there's no way that these two people can live together.

Emily:

You have to. Especially in those circumstances where there are. If there are societal odds against them. Right. You gotta make it. You gotta make us believe that they're gonna be able to, you know, withstand those odds and those conflicts and those challenges together. And compatibility is a huge Piece of that.

Rachel:

So let's talk really quick about conflict. I feel like compatibility is the heart of this believability question. But since we mentioned conflict and lessons earlier, just really briefly, in. In a romance that works really well, we still have conflict driving these two people apart. And maybe that conflict is, for example, their age gap. Like maybe. I think that's pretty common where society is like, no, this isn't. This is inappropriate. And again, I'm talking like, not all books have fully healthy relationships portrayed within them. Right. But romance is a fantasy. We are accepting a certain level of disbelief when we are going to read about these two characters. But like, if you use an age gap trope, what's the conflict there? Are there societal expectations? Are there, is there power imbalance? Do you have like a billionaire and a secretary and there's 15 years difference? Well, now you have two layers of conflict where there's a work power imbalance because he's her boss. There's. Well, there's three. There's also a monetary power imbalance because he has way more money than her. And. And then there's also the age gap where, you know, logic would say there's no way those two people could find a happily ever after and the story would be about overcoming those conflicts. But the conflict is what makes it so juicy is we're like, there's no way that this secretary and this billionaire could last. But I met Susie Tate does the billionaire age gap incredibly well in almost every single one of her books. And I will gobble up every single one of her books because the conflict is so heart wrenching and like gut twisting. And you want these two people to be in love because you can see how they are compatible, but it's the circumstances around them that are telling them that they're not. I think so. I think Susie Tate does conflict like very, very well. And also compatibility very, very well. And she uses pretty much the same tropes in every single book. And I' Sign me up. And one another, these are. I believe that you know how to do this. So I'm going to pick up your next book, no Questions Asked because it's going to make me read it in one sitting. So conflict wise, we need, we need things that are pushing these characters apart and that might be conflicting goals, like in Enemies to Lovers. That might be conflicting circumstances like class, time, space, money, societal expectations, power imbalances. Those might be like other external conflicts. They want different things because of their internal obstacles. They might have, you know, these really big hang ups as Far as letting themselves fall in love. And so then their. Their flaws are the conflict. Okay, that's fine. But we need to see that struggle because it's the struggle that when they overcome that struggle, it proves that this relationship can last. So we have to have a conflict that we beat to believe. You can continue beating conflicts. If we don't overcome a conflict, then I'm like, when you face a conflict, this is gonna crumble. So you gotta show me that when they face a conflict, they. It might crumble. I mean, that's. I want. Like, that's also part of romance, is that it doesn't. This is not a. This is a bumpy road. But when they eventually overcome it at the end of the book and they learn a lesson and they've grown, then I believe that you can continue to do that after the relationship is over or after the. The book is over.

Emily:

Yeah, I think one of the most powerful, like, what am I trying to say? Romance is a powerful tool for showing how love, Kia. Has the power to change us. Right? Like our love of someone, their love of us, has the power to change us into somebody, like, into a better version of ourselves. And I think that's when you can show that their love, like, they are compatible enough and they can work together enough and are willing to grow and help one another growing to. To combat conflicts together and overcome those conflicts together. Then like you said, that's when you prove, like, this is a real happily ever after because they'll be able to face down whatever comes their way.

Rachel:

Yes. So last little note is just on the lessons piece of this. I think a romance is believable if we've grown. And if we've grown, that means we've learned something new and that we've changed our behaviors. So we've learned a lesson in some way. And usually this is the result of, like, an arc of change. We've had two characters, at minimum one, but we've had two people in this relationship who are changing over the course of the story. They've undergone an arc of change. They've learned a lesson at the end of the book. And because they've learned that lesson, I believe that they've grown as a person and that now love is possible for them. So that's when we see the happily ever after actually come into fruition. Because we've struggled, we've failed, we've grown, and now we can be together. And it's that growth that shows me there is possibility here. Like, you can keep going. I believe that you're in love forever. Because I've seen how you're willing to change for yourself and for someone else. And if you're willing to change for yourself and for someone else, then you can continue doing that post book like after, afterwards. And that's, that's a happily ever after. We know like this will continue not a happily for now, which is that we're going to be happy right now, but we're not going to be happy later. We are in a happily ever after. Yeah. So I think like, lessons are, lessons are important. Growth is important. And if we're, if you're showing in your romance that these two characters can grow and will grow, I believe it. I believe that this relationship can last.

Emily:

Cool. So go out there and write your believable couples. We want to read them.

Rachel:

We want to read them. I will gobble it up. I read so much romance. And again, we did like a very in depth presentation on what we call the romance equation for tenacious writing. So if you're wanting to learn more and you've been interested in tw, now is a great time to join. And then you can get instant access to this masterclass and enjoy it. And if you're listening to this and you're in TW and you haven't seen this masterclass, go watch it.

Emily:

It's great. Go watch it. What are you doing?

Rachel:

What are you doing? Stop everything. It's a really good one. Okay.

Emily:

Alrighty. If you want to build a successful, fulfilling and sustainable writing life that works for you, you've got to get on our email list.

Rachel:

Sign up now to get our free email course, the Magic of Character Arcs. After seven days of email magic, you'll have the power to keep your readers flipping pages all through the night.

Emily:

Link in the show notes. We'll see you there.