Story Magic

115 - Writing effective descriptions

• Golden May

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Today, Emily & Rachel talk about descriptions!

What you’ll learn from this episode:

  • What makes a good description? 
  • How character perspective impacts what they see and describe
  • How character emotions colors and influences description
  • Tips and tricks

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Emily:

Hey, writers. Welcome back to Story Magic, the podcast that will help you write a book you're damn proud of.

Rachel:

I'm Rachel.

Emily:

And I'm Emily.

Rachel:

And today we're talking about descriptions.

Emily:

Descriptions.

Rachel:

My favorite.

Emily:

Your least favorite.

Rachel:

Yep. I don't like them. I don't need them. Who cares?

Emily:

That'll be a good. We'll have to talk about process, but before we get there. So I realized we didn't have a podcast on descriptions. How? I don't know, but people often have questions about descriptions because it can be tricky to figure out. How do you. I mean, that's what we're doing when we're writing, right? We're trying to, like, sink a reader into a character's experience, show them the world around them, make it feel like the reader is there. And I remember when I very first started writing, I was like, how do you do that without just, like, writing a police report and using all five senses?

Rachel:

Yes. Been there, done that. I remember, like, very vividly of. I was probably, I don't know, maybe 11 or 12. Like, I was writing for one of the very first times that I was writing. And I think I still have the little notebook I was doing it in. It's back there on the shelf behind me. I kept it. Cause I'm like, oh, that's so cute. Like, look at me with my little writing. And I was like, you know, writing about a princess, and I was trying to describe, like, her dress. And, like, I was using words like brocade. And I don't even know what that is. You know, like, I just had read it in a book once. I don't even know. I could not. If I picked up two pieces of fabric, I could not tell you, you know, the difference between brocade and brocade. I don't even know how you say it. And, like, I could tell you that something's tulle. I could tell you that something's silk. I don't know what. What brocade is, but I was. I was using that word. I was, like, trying to describe this dress and, like, the beads that were hanging off of it and, like, the color, it was, like, blue, green. And I wanted it to feel like it was like, I remember this, but I. Like, what was in my head. I could not put it on the page. I was like, I can visualize a very pretty dress. I can't write it. And so I just, like, close the notebook, come back later.

Emily:

This is so funny. We're skipping ahead. This is so funny. But I'm reading your. Your draft as you go. And there's a dress in this. In fall before her throne and. Oh, my God, Am I not supposed to say that?

Rachel:

No, that's fine.

Emily:

Is the title out? Okay.

Rachel:

Yeah, Titles out. It's up for pre order title.

Emily:

Okay, great. Everybody go order. Because it's so good.

Rachel:

Yeah, go order it right now. Give me some right now.

Emily:

But there's a dress in it, and I won't tell people about it, but you describe it so well. And, like, it's so. It's funny that you're talking about this dress that you described, like, as a kid, and you have this dress you're describing now, like, what's different between now and then and now? Have you learned?

Rachel:

I kind of have learned that I don't really care, and so I'm not gonna bother with it. So my perfectionism has really let go from when I was 12 trying to figure out how to describe it. I don't know that my description. I know my description skills are much better as far as, like, understanding how to bring things to life. Sure.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

But really, the only thing that's different is that that little me was so scared of getting it wrong. And, like, now I'm like, who cares? It's a pretty dress. Whatever you're picturing in your head is fine. That's my take on descriptions now. Look, I. They're part of my process to do later.

Emily:

Yeah. But.

Rachel:

I. I'm probably not the best person to speak on this episode. Who cares?

Emily:

No, I think that's a really good place to start. I think that's a really good place to start. Because I do think people, including myself, everybody, we all overthink this. We overthink it way too much, I think, in two ways. One, we overthink. We put too much pressure on the first time we try to describe something. Yes. To make it, like, quote, unquote, perfect. Right. Don't do that. And then we also try to show too much.

Rachel:

We try to show too much.

Emily:

Yeah. You don't need.

Rachel:

There's.

Emily:

You don't need these long descriptions of what someone looks like or what a setting looks like or anything for your reader to be able to picture it. And I feel like that's a really. Those are. Two, if you take anything away from this, A, stop worrying about it so much, and B, you need less than you think you do. So I think that's a really good place to start, actually.

Rachel:

Great. Yeah. From, like, trying to make it as perfect as possible. Not only from, like, that need of perfection where I didn't get it wrong, but also so you could see. See it. And now I'm like, people fill in the blanks anyway. And when I read books that has a paragraph, 2 paragraph long description of a dress skip. So why waste my energy when. When the, the little details, like the less is more. The detail that evokes an emotion which we'll talk about. The, the. The thing that like just giving us a brushstroke rather than a fully realized painting is usually even easier to read. Like more enjoyable to absorb. And if you give them enough, they'll fill in the blanks. That's my take.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

So description.

Emily:

So that said, people listening to this for some craft advice. So. So the way that we teach descriptions and like a way to approach describing something using keeping what we've already said in mind. Right. Less is more. And you don't have to worry about it as much as you think you do at the beginning, especially in early drafts. But what does make a great description is when it makes a reader feel something. So I think we think of descriptions as a visual thing. Right. We want the, the reader to see something, but actually it's far more effective to make the reader.

Rachel:

Yeah.

Emily:

And the reason that we want to do that is because a reader is living through a character's experience. And so we want to see the world through their eyes, which means not just what they're seeing, but how they feel about it, what they think about it, like what they're noticing about it. And every person sees everything, like sees things differently at all points in time. Right. Like we all see the world and process the world very differently.

Rachel:

Yeah. I think that's also something that old me used to do, which was just like, it would be telling, but telling me what something looks like versus showing me. Why this mattered to the character was a big differentiator to me of like little 11 year old me writing that dress. I was just trying to tell you how pretty it was. But like writing this dress for Leona in fall before her throne, it was very much like, I'm trying to convey a level of wealth. I'm trying to convey a level of stuff, status, like a. And also like how comfortable she feels or doesn't feel in that dress while she's wearing it and what it means to her. That's more important than like who gave.

Emily:

It to her and why they gave it to her. Yeah, all of that is what matters far more than what it actually looks like. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally agree. So we, so we call them layered descriptions. Right. Because you're showing the thing, showing the visual, and then you're doing at least one of the following. So we recommend using descriptions to reveal what your character fears or wants that shows their voice and. Or mood and sets stage pieces or foreshadowing. So sometimes you can, like as. As the author put in something into a setting or something into some. A description of someone that foreshadows something that's coming later. Um, but most importantly, I would say you want to reveal fears and desires and show voice and mood.

Rachel:

I agree. And I mean not to harp on this dress.

Emily:

No, I think it's great.

Rachel:

This dress that Leona's wearing and fall before her throne as she's putting it on and, like, as she's getting ready for this event, she's treating it like armor, and she's treating it like, I'm wearing this. And a past version of me would have felt one way, and the current version of me feels like this. And it's a facade almost that she's putting on to go to an event. So there's, like, a purpose behind it. I was using it to try and show her mood, and then the person who gave it to her matters a lot also. So showing what that meant to her was important. All of these around things, these details surrounding the dress, like you said, are really more important than, like, what the dress actually looks like, because that's what evokes the mean thing, the meaning, the feeling. You know, it's not just like a pretty dress with gold fabric who is, like, designer and based off an Oscar de la Renta gown, like, cool, nobody cares. But, like, if you're putting that on because it's going to make you feel, like, a certain way, that's why those details matter. That's why, like, the. The jewel that I put on the dress has a significance. It's not just that the dress is pretty, it's that it has significance to her life.

Emily:

Yeah, to her life, to her relationships, to the. Her goals in the moment. Yeah. Yeah, all of it.

Rachel:

So I guess now, like, that's. If you're writing descriptions, we're gonna talk about tips and give you some examples. But that's usually what I'm asking myself in my process when I'm doing it is like, when I skip over describing something, I'm really leaning into the meaning. And then I'll go back in and put like, well, it was pretty because it sparkled. But, like, all those other things, like, to me, that's the more important thing, and that's why they. That's why I skip over the actual, like, showing of the thing and I fill it in later because it is important. Like, we. We do need to be giving a. A setting, a vibe and atmosphere, which descriptions are very helpful with. But anyway, I'm thinking of, like, what is the thing that I'm trying to show? What does it look like? But really, what is it? What is it? What is the meaning of that thing? What am I trying to do with it? To show character related or plot related with this thing? Because otherwise, why is it there? I think that's when I get frustrated with descriptions that are, like, paragraphs long. Cause I'm like, I don't care. Why is it here skip? And that's when I skip them. So I think when they become meaningful and, like, interesting is when they hold that extra value a hundred percent.

Emily:

So, for example, I've got two really short examples here just to kind of illustrate for folks what this feels like when you're reading it. So here we have a description of a setting. It is the ocean on a sunny day from, like, a doorway, basically. So the character is standing in a doorway, looking out at the ocean on a sunny day. And so example number one. This is Kate. We have Kate and Marina. And so Kate. Excuse me. So the Kate example is Kate burst through the screen door, and the day wrapped her instantly in its warmth. Beyond the docks, the ocean glittered as if the sun were signaling a promise. So already you can see there, right, Kate is having a good day. Like, she's feeling optimistic, she's feeling hopeful. Right. All we got was that the ocean is glittering.

Rachel:

Yeah, that's really.

Emily:

It's warm out. That's it.

Rachel:

And like, do you need more than that?

Emily:

No, it's a screen door. There's a screen door. So you can kind of picture a little some. Some kind of cottage situation. Yeah, I'm imagining in my head, at least. Okay, version number two. Marina. The screen door slammed behind Marina. She tugged down on her sweatshirt. She tugged down on her sweatshirt hood against the onslaught of life light, as if the sun itself were mocking her. Beyond the dock, the ocean stretched forever, closing the island in like a prison. Not optimistic, not hopeful. Marina feels trapped. She is not in a good mood. The sun is mocking her. Right? And so here we get a description of the light, and we get a description of the ocean as stretching forever. Right. And that she feels like she's closed in. And so it's a very different vibe from the ocean glittering, Right. And the warmth of it. So same thing, two very different People's eyes and perspectives and moods and voices. And so that's what we're going for when we're trying to describe.

Rachel:

Exactly how is this character going to interpret this thing? Because what. What the thing is doesn't matter as much. You know, like the ocean glittering. You could tell me, because if, like, let's say you're in Marina's eyes and you spend all this time describing the glittering ocean and the clouds floating by, and, oh, look, there's a little jet ski zooming on. I'm like, oh, a sailboat.

Emily:

Wow.

Rachel:

Like, that's descript. That's a lot of description, right? Like, I am painting a visual picture of what this looks like. But for her to say, like, I tugged down or she tugged down on her sweatshirt hood against the onslaught of light. So it's bright. We know that. But the emotional reaction there is that it's an onslaught, as if the sun itself were mocking her. So we know that it's bright. And I just know I'm mad about it. And that's great.

Emily:

And then Marina doesn't care about a jet ski.

Rachel:

She doesn't care. And if I bet now, let's say, however, like, let's say you do describe to drive to, you do choose to describe the jet Ski. At that point, I would be like, look at that stupid little jet ski driving on the ocean, as if it's fine. But no, life is not fine. We're all trapped on this island. Like, that is not joyful. This is not joyful. You think you're having a good time on that jet ski? Just wait, you know, like, that's the type. If you're going to describe a thing, what is the perspective? What is the. What does it make her feel? What's the emotional reaction?

Emily:

And maybe it's like, you know, her brother and a bunch of his friends are on jet skis and they're having a great time. They're all, you know, having a blast. Right? And she feels. You could use that to make. To show us that she feels left out. You could use that to show us that she feels angry, Right? Like, don't describe the jet ski unless it matters to her, Period.

Rachel:

Exactly. And if it matters to her, what's the matter? What's the vibe? What is it? What is the matter? What's the meaning? What's that view? Or describe the jet ski because it's later going to be involved in the murder plot. Cool. You know, if the jet ski is the murder weapon, it's great for you to murder. Describe It. But if it holds no meaning, why is it there? Don't put it there. It doesn't matter. So I also really like from these two examples as much as we added on to them. They're very simple. They're very simple. You don't need very much. So don't overthink it. Don't get trapped up in all of the detail. Zoom in on just a couple pieces of detail that matter to the character.

Emily:

Yeah. And then to go back to the point about foreshadowing, so if Marina were to come out and describe, you know, what she sees and she were to note the Jet Ski and not feel anything about it, your reader is probably going to be like, that's a foreshadowing set piece. Right. Like, that's going to matter later. And so you want to be careful. Like, you can do that. If you want your reader to be like, oh, there's a Jet Ski that does that matter? And you want them to notice that and pull it through. You could also add meaning so that the reader doesn't think that. And it's, you know, you foreshadowed something, but the reader doesn't even know it. But, like, the meaning is very important because if it doesn't feel like it matters to the character, your reader will notice. And they're gonna keep track of that whether you want them to or not.

Rachel:

Exactly. Now that we're talking about murder mysteries, I'm thinking of all sorts of reasons, because you could even, like, describe what's not there. Like, if usually there's three Jet Skis and now there's only two.

Emily:

Yeah. Ooh.

Rachel:

Why? You know, so I.

Emily:

Where did her murderous brother go exactly?

Rachel:

Has he stashed the Jet Ski somewhere else? Has he sunk it? Exactly. So I think, you know, depending on what you want your reader to feel, that's what you would choose to describe or to point out.

Emily:

Yeah. All right. Tips. Tips.

Rachel:

Less is more. We've been talking about this. Always give us a few meaningful details. I also really enjoy when books. When books, like, repeat, like, a similar detail or a similar theme, and it, like, continues to recur across the story. We have an example from the Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V. E. Schwab, which doesn't do this, but Addie Larue in general does. So I'll just read the Addie LaRue example. That's okay.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

The boy is still asleep, and she watches the slow rise and fall of his shoulders, the place where his dark hair curls against the nape of his Neck. The scar along his ribs. Details. Long memorized. His name is Toby. So in this excerpt in particular, we don't have, like, an entire description of the boy, Toby, his body, or his physical appearance. We've just highlighted on a couple details, which is, like, the rise and fall of his shoulders, which shows us how, you know, he's sleeping peacefully. Yeah. The place where his dark hair curls against the nape of his neck. Like, we. The. The information we get from that is the dark hair. That's the physical appearance. But the meaning. She's, like, looking at kind of an intimate place, like the. The back of your neck where your hair curls.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

The scar along his ribs. So of that line, there are actually only two real physical descriptions, which is his dark hair and the scar. Everything else is, like, what she's noticing of him and placing it in meaning through that perspective. Like, what is she taking from these details? There's only, like, two details. Yeah. Which I think VE Schwab does really effectively throughout all of Addie Larue. Like, Addie just gets described. The main character, her name is Addie Larue. She just gets described with a couple. Few details, but they continually show up. Like, the color of her hair and the freckles that she has. And they're used, like, effectively, but we don't need more than that. This, like, we're able to paint a picture in our head by knowing just a couple small details and then bringing them up. Like, continually keeps them present. But your reader fills in the rest of the blanks about what this person looks like.

Emily:

Yeah. Yeah. And again, that meaning. Right. She shows us that he's sleeping. It creates this. This sense of, like, intimacy and longing. Right. She's just watching him, and she's watching intimate parts of him, which shows their intimacy without have. Without the author having to say it. And it's like, two sentences. Yeah, it's one sentence.

Rachel:

Yes. And then she goes. Details. Long memorized. His name is Toby. Yeah, that's it.

Emily:

That's it.

Rachel:

It's pretty simple. You know, like, people go overboard sometimes with, like, the purple prose where they're just describing and describing. How can I make it sound so visual? And that's the part where you could probably pull back on that. We don't necessarily need all of it.

Emily:

Yeah. So. Okay. Another tip is think about what they would notice when somebody is very stressed out and, like, up in their thoughts. They are not going to be waxing poetic purple prose about the setting around them. Like, they're just not. And so think about their State of mind. If they're scared. If they're, like, scared to be in a situation and, like, looking for escapes, like, that's what they're going to focus on. That's the kinds of stuff they're going to notice. And so think about who your character is, what they are. You know, a soldier is going to be predisposed to look for threats and look for escapes. Right. Versus, like, an artist is going to be more predisposed to maybe describing things with purple prose because they're going to notice the sunset or notice how pretty the mountains are or whatever. Right. And so who your character is can give you a lot of information about how much you might want to describe things and how you might describe things. Like, if your character's a musician, they might describe sounds a lot more than, you know, somebody else might.

Rachel:

Exactly.

Emily:

So, yeah.

Rachel:

Speaking of dresses, in my books, I just have another example.

Emily:

Yes.

Rachel:

So, like, in Fall Before Her Throne, a couple scenes before the one we were talking about earlier, where she has this really pretty dress on, Cass, her bodyguard, is talking about a dress she wore in the past. And he describes it as like a little, like that gold sparkly dress with the sleeve thingies. He describes it like that on purpose because he. He doesn't know, like, what dress things are because he's a guy. So, like, I. He. He calls it, like. Oh, that little sparkly thing with the. With the sleeves. I think that's what he says. He uses the word thing. And I, like, very. I consciously had him say it that way because he wouldn't know.

Emily:

He wouldn't know. Yeah.

Rachel:

But then, like, fast forward a couple scenes because at the time that. The. The moment he's thinking of, he only felt attraction to her. So he doesn't care about the dress. He cares about how hot she looked in it. Yeah, that's all that mattered. But then later, when she's putting on, like, the fancy dress, she's noticing the details because she cares, because it matters. But, like, Cass doesn't care about the jewels. He just cares that she looks hot in it. So he's not going to notice the same things. It. It really matters. So sinking into, like, who your character is and. And what would they care about, I think is really important because I have seen, like, these really beautiful descriptions from, like, a male point of view, and I'm like, really? I mean, not. It's not that I don't think men can notice beautiful things, but really, like, are you really gonna stop to describe this landscape to me right now? As if you're not more worried about the horse you're riding or the food in your rucksack. Like, that's what you care about. You don't care about how pretty these rolling hills are. And if you do, why does it remind you of your grandparents home? Like that? I think that's like. Yeah. What do they notice? Who are they and why do they. What do they care about?

Emily:

Yeah. Anyway, the next one, we talked about this one a little already. How do their emotions affect their processing of what's around them? This goes back to them, that example we had at the beginning. Like, what are they feeling in the moment in general? And then what are they feeling about the thing they're describing? Right. And sometimes, like in the first example, when Kate's just like, feeling so happy she goes outside, she doesn't really care about the ocean. Like, that's not part of her emotion. Like something else has made her so happy and optimistic, and that's just being projected onto what she sees when she walks outside versus Marina. She sees the ocean as a threat because she feels trapped on the island. And so she's describing the ocean because it makes her feel a specific way. So those are like slightly different ways that you can take that. Emotional processing is if you have to describe something and your character doesn't care about it, you know, like the room, the restaurant they walked into or something, you can think about how to describe it in a way that shows the way that they're feeling about something else. Or you can describe a thing because they have feelings about it. Showing that they have feelings about it.

Rachel:

Exactly. So in I am all about the examples today, I guess I do describe a lot of things, but there. This is. So in Caught in the Crossfire, there's a moment where Leona and her guys walk into a restaurant. And at the time that I wrote that restaurant, I did not describe it at all. Like, in first draft, I didn't describe it at all. I didn't describe anything about it, but I already knew, like, what. What emotions I wanted to evoke in her. And I wanted her to feel nostalgic. I wanted her to feel, like, reminded of her mother and her family, because I was trying to. She was going into this meeting at this restaurant feeling very defensive, and I was trying to immediately disarm her, to show her that, like, this restaurant is not a threat because it reminds you of your grandmother and your mother. So I didn't even know at the time, like, what were the details that I was going to describe. And I ended up Describing, like, the smell of the meat, the smell of the garlic, like, the way the brick on the walls. Like, I had picked out a couple little details that I filled in a lot later that I used to still show. Like, it reminded her of her family and it reminded her of, like, her Italian heritage. Because I wanted her to feel, like, less defensive as she was about to meet this person that ended up being, like, important, but she thought might be a threat. And so the environment that I was creating, I was trying to use it to be, like, sneaky. This is okay. It's gonna be fine. This guy's a friend.

Emily:

Yeah, I love that. And that's perfect for our. So our last tip is how do the surroundings impact their emotions? Right? Cause you can have them, like, they see somebody and it gives them a reaction, or they see a setting and it gives them, like you said, like walking into a restaurant that feels nostalgic, that's gonna impact your emotions and make you feel a certain way. So it goes both ways. You can. Your emotions can affect how you. Or a character's emotions can affect how they describe something, but then the thing that they're describing, seeing can also affect their emotions and change how they're feeling. So, yeah, those are our tips.

Rachel:

Those are our tips. And like, process wise, do this however you want. I don't. I rarely write the description first. I. I usually feel more in tune to, like, what I want my characters to be feeling and what I want my readers to be feeling that I am writing those things first. And then I'm trying to find a detail that like, fits those things later or that, like, will. Will pair nicely with those things. And if I am describing things at the time that I'm like a first draft or whatever, I'm going with, like, something very specific, a detail or something that I know I can use to be doing one of those purposes we said earlier, showing the thing, but also revealing fears or desires, showing voice and mood, or setting those set pieces for foreshadowing.

Emily:

Yeah, I can get really hung up on descriptions, and it can slow me down a lot if I don't allow myself to just, like, bracket and move forward. So that is something you could do. And it doesn't have to be fill in the brackets before the scene can be considered done right. Like, you can wait until draft two, three, whatever you want to actually fill them in. So. And sometimes that can save time because, like, I've talked before about how I'm a huge rewriter and so oftentimes I like, move scenes from various settings, like multiple times. I'll be like, oh, I think like one of the first scenes from Project Storm she was like in an herb shop and then she was in. Then I moved it to the market and then I moved it to a greenhouse. Yeah. Kept moving it around and so, you know, wasting time describing or taking tons of time to describe those settings when knowing that I'm likely going to change them later does, you know, not really worth it. So.

Rachel:

Exactly.

Emily:

Yeah. Okay, Cool.

Rachel:

Cool.

Emily:

If you want to build a successful, fulfilling and sustainable writing life that works for you, you've got to get on our email list.

Rachel:

Sign up now to get our free email course, the Magic of Character Arcs. After seven days of email magic, you'll have the power to keep your readers flipping pages all through the night.

Emily:

Link in the show notes. We'll see you there. Bye. Bye.