Story Magic

68 - Lean into messy humanity

• Golden May

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Today, Emily & Rachel talk about leaning into messy humanity.

What you’ll learn from this episode:

  • What to do when you ask "is this too much?" 
  • Not shying away from important messages
  • Leaning into the pieces of story that are complex and messy


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Rachel:

Hey, writers. Welcome back to Story Magic, the podcast that will help you write a book you're damn proud of.

Emily:

I'm Emily.

Rachel:

And I'm Rachel, and today we are.

Emily:

Going to talk about putting messy humanity on the page.

Rachel:

I love it.

Emily:

So I often. I get reminded of this, like, deeply every, I don't know, six months or so, because someone will come to me with a question asking, like, is my story too much in some way? Right? Is it too dark? Is my character too unlikable? Am I. Is this getting too political? Is, you know, like, the questions are endless. And this is where I see people holding back. Holding back from what they really want to say and holding back from what they really want to put on the page because they're afraid it's going to be too unpalatable to readers.

Rachel:

Yeah.

Emily:

And it just always gets me because there's. Right. We are our characters. They're obviously different people. We're not putting ourselves on the page, but we're trying to say something through our characters. And when we want to explore something that feels really heavy or feels taboo or feels like you're not allowed to talk about it or that people are going to think you're unpalatable or too much, if you do decide to talk about it, then it comes back around to you're judging yourself, and you're not letting yourself explore your full humanity because you are ashamed of what people might say if they really see you and see what you really want to say. And that's not why we're here. We're here to connect with our readers through our humanity, and we do that through our characters. Right. We see something. We put something of ourselves into our characters, and then we want readers to see something of themselves in our characters. And so if we're holding back, our readers are going to see that. If we're shaming our characters subconsciously or consciously. Right. Our readers are going to see that, and they're going to feel that through our characters. And so we don't. We don't want to do that to ourselves, to our characters, or to our readers.

Rachel:

Yeah. I feel like there's a couple layers to this conversation that we can be practical about and then, like, come back in with, you know, what? Why are you writing? Like, why are you doing it? Because I think, like, I. 100%. I mean, I know we. We approach writing as, like, the world needs our stories. We're telling important stories. Everyone that we coach and that we talk to, we're like, your voice matters. Get your voice into the world. Make a difference. Like, be intentional with your storytelling choices so that you can share a message that is important to you. And when we limit or pull back on, like, the things we think are too much, we dilute that message. Like, it's not as powerful as it could be, or it's not as moving as it could be. And I see my clients or the writers that we work with push back on this when the question of marketing comes up, of being palatable of, like, well, there's not readers for darkness that I want to tell, or there's not readers for the political complexity that I want to tell. Or there's not readers for the cultural experience that I'm trying to share. And, like, I think that that layer of in is a layer of inherent bias that is cutting out, like, the people that need your story. Like, you're assuming that, number one, those people don't exist, which I think is incorrect. Like, it's not correct. And number two, that, like, they wouldn't value and appreciate this if it were to exist. And number three, that if it were to exist, you wouldn't be changing people with it.

Emily:

Yeah.

Rachel:

Does that make sense? Like, either the readers don't exist, they do exist, and they don't care, or they do exist, and you can't change them. Or, like, you know, that they do exist and they don't want to hear it. And I think all of those things are just narratives that we tell ourselves that are not true. And I think we've seen time and time again that the more powerful stories that can exist in the world, the more they attract the readers that they need to attract. I just feel like it's like our societies insert patriarchy, insert misogyny, insert racism. Like, whatever it is that is holding you back from saying the things that you need to say. It's just that doing its job. Let's fight back against those things. To not have those inherent fears dictate the stories that we want to tell.

Emily:

Yeah. Because if you're. I mean, if you censor yourself on a particular topic. Right. By diluting it and not putting it in there, then, like, you're ahead. I almost. When someone says, ask me that question, is this too much? Right. It indicates to me that they care about the thing that they're adding. It's not that they're just, like, adding it in for shock value, or they're like, you know, like, that question in and of itself means that you care and you want to put it in and you're afraid to because you're afraid of how it's going to be received. But on the flip side of that, it's like, if you're afraid to say the thing that you want to say, I would argue that you almost need to say it because there's people who need to hear it. Right. When we're shaming ourselves, we're saying, like, this isn't okay to talk about. But when you talk about it, you're saying. You're telling other people, like, these are things that are okay to talk about. Right? Yes. So it's not only that there are readers out there who want what you have to provide, but it's like they need it because they need to see that thing, whatever. The thing that you're afraid is too much. They need to see that out in the world. Right?

Rachel:

Yeah. Yeah.

Emily:

I have a very messy and morally gray main character, and I knew I wanted her to be that way because I wanted to show that what happens when society makes and external pressures make women wear masks and pretend to be people that they're not. And so I wanted it to be a little bit dark. My agent said something to me that I have just, like, latched on, and now I, like, say it to my. Say it to my clients and say it to everyone. And I may have mentioned it on podcast before, I don't know. But she said she was. She said, lean into, that she was like, lean in to things being darker. Let things go wrong. Right? Like, lean into those things. Cause that's where. That's where the story gets interesting, too. And that's where, like, lean into what you really wanna say. Lean into the darkness that you wanna put on the page, or the complexity that you wanna put on the page, or the unique world building or cultures that you want to put on the page, because that's what's really going to make your book unique and stand out. And so, yeah, if you take away anything from this little episode, it's lean in.

Rachel:

Yeah, lean in.

Emily:

Lean in.

Rachel:

Lean in. And it's hard for me to come up with an example in my head of where one of these messy things that people are afraid to put on the page are, like, not representative of someone's true experience. Do you know what I mean? Of, like. Like, before. Before we were recording this, we were like, sexual assault happens. You know, like, we were talking about that and being like, that is something people are afraid to put on the page. And I think there's delicacy in approaching a topic like that. But that's messy humanity. Like, racism is messy humanity. Like, representative. Like, there are messy parts of humanity that existed that when we don't include them in our stories because we're fearful. Like, we're miss. We're losing. We're losing out. We're losing part of it. And I think it's important that whatever is on our hearts is, like, I want to portray a story that's meaningful to me. You're not hamstringing yourself because you're afraid of going too far. You're afraid of it being too real because it's like, the realness leaning into it is, is where you get the complexity. And I also think that there's, like, readers are smart and can handle complexity. You know? Like, obviously, we're including, like, intentional decisions, thoughtful ways of putting things on the page that are delicate. Like, I'm not just saying. Right. Whatever crazy thing is going into your head with, like, no, just be flipping about it. Like, that's not what we're saying. We're saying there is a burden on your heart to tell something. Like, don't belittle yourself and your ideas because you're afraid of how society or whoever will take them. Yeah.

Emily:

If you. I think there's a difference, right. Between including messy humanity because you have something you want to say about it and you have people you want to connect with about it versus, like, including it for just to have shock value. Right. I think sexual assault is one of those things. But if you're asking the question, is this too much? You probably really care about the thing that you want to say about the messiness. Right. Or the thing you want to show about what it's like to survive after sexual assault. Or, you know, I'm using that one as an example because it's the first, you know, the one we've been talking about. But that applies to anything else. Right. Like, you want to say something about it or you want to portray something about it. And. And so, yes, do it with intention. And, yes, be intentional about what it is that you're saying and what you're portraying. But, yeah, if you're asking that question, no, it's not too much.

Rachel:

Exactly.

Emily:

And this is why we have trigger warnings. Right. There will be people who may not be ready for the thing that you want to put on the page, and that's okay. That story is just nothing. Not for them. Right. Yeah. And that's why those exist. Again, we're not here to censor ourselves, folks. We're here to speak our truths. And your truth is never, ever, ever, ever too much.

Rachel:

Yes.

Emily:

That's all.

Rachel:

That's all. If you want to build a successful, fulfilling and sustainable writing life that works for you, you've got to get on our email list.

Emily:

Sign up now to get our free email course. The magic of character arcs. After seven days of email magic, you'll have the power to keep your readers flipping pages all through the night.

Rachel:

The show notes. We'll see you there. Woohoo.